Have you ever heard the saying, “if you want to get any girl and still call the shot, be a lover, not a provider.” Well, that saying isn’t always true because every girl has different tastes in men.
Not all ladies like the lover kind of guy. Some like the provider kind of man or, most preferably, those who have both qualities (lover and provider).
Both character, “lover and provider,” have their merits and demerits. But if combined, they both can complement each other. In areas where the lover lack, the provider fill up the space.
However, before becoming a combination of these characters, you need to know who a lover and a provider are.
Who is a Lover?
In this context, a lover is someone (primarily identified as a man) who isn’t actively seeking a committed relationship but rather a sexually intimate relationship or a fling.
A lover isn’t there to align with your dreams or ambition. In fact, if he shows interest in that, it could be only for two reasons. Either he has something to gain in the short run, or he wants to turn to a provider.
Becoming a lover has its criteria, some of which include;
- He has to be physically attractive and charming. Can you imagine the response of a lady when a less beautiful man tries to woo her? She probably will snub or insult him. But if the opposite were the case, his good looks would compel her to listen to him, and she probably might have a one-night stand with him.
- A lover should be affable and vocal. By having this, he can start and keep a conversation running smoothly. Moreover, his pleasant voice will be a bonus.
- He should know how to play with words. When you are wooing a woman with s3x as the end result, you surely should know how to play your cards right. You should also know what tone of language would set her off.
A prominent feature of a “lover boy” is their ability to play down any indicator of commitment.
They also avoid providing either financially or emotionally to their “subject.” If they show any interest in investing in a lady emotionally or economically, it’s only a means to the end goal (s3x).
Lastly, lovers are seen as ‘play boys’ who want a short time of sexual pleasure.
However, there are chances that a lover can become a provider.
Who is a provider?
A provider is someone (primarily identified as a man) who seeks a long-term relationship that is mutually beneficial to both parties. He supports you both financially and emotionally, intending to build a lasting relationship.
The provider has this sense of duty to always provide for his partner. He feels he must pay for the bills, take her out on dinner dates, always defend her and try to be at her beck and call. Of course, all of these are important in a long-term relationship.
However, while he is centered on all these things, he loses focus on the other vital part of a relationship.
The sexual part!
Apparently, this is where “the lover” has a higher advantage over him.
As earlier said, the lover’s end game is s3x. Thus, he surely knows the right strings to pull to get his desired result.
But the provider’s end game is to see his woman happy, and he achieves this by providing other things within his ability (sometimes he goes all the way). By doing this, he relegated s3x to an outer part of their life.
He does this to not portray himself as a “playboy” who engages in spending to get into her panties.
Well, the good news is that you can be both a lover and a provider. But we will discuss this some other time.
Mistakes of a provider
1. Focused on just providing
This is the major mistake of being a provider. The effect of this mistake is that she might pretend to be what he likes.
In other words, she might present herself as what he desires to keep benefiting from his “provider nature.”
The provider, clueless about the act, will keep providing with the idea that he is building a long-term relationship.
However, if he deviates from this and tries to engage in intelligent conversations that require her to open up, he might get to see her true nature.
Thus, he shouldn’t concentrate only on providing but also engage in conversations about other areas of her life that don’t require his support.
2. Connects providing to being a man
This is quite similar to the first mistake. However, in this case, he interprets his value as a man to how much he can provide.
Although, studies have shown that many men tend to feel more “whole” and happier when they perform the role of providers.
But throwing your total weight on this role eliminates seeing your other values outside the provider role.
A man is supposed to be valued regardless of his providing status.
3. Doesn’t attend to sexual needs
As earlier mentioned, the provider is ignorant that his woman has sexual needs that need to be satisfied.
This could be why some women have affairs with “lovers” to satisfy that need. Lovers are constantly updating their knowledge of women’s sexual needs to be on their A game.
The provider should emulate this singular act.
Can a lover build a long-term relationship?
Yes, lovers can build healthy long-term relationships. This is probably the only benefit of being a lover, not a provider.
A lover might change his heart during one of his short-term affairs. He then decides to try a different route by going into a long-term relationship. Doing this means he will drop his “playboy” attitude and become committed to the relationship.
He further learns the act of commitment and loyalty to one woman. The lover now becomes both a “lover” and a “provider” (lovider)
The remarkable thing about this is that both characters complement each other. For instance, in cases where the lover finds it difficult to provide financial support, the provider character kicks in. The same applies to the provider character.
A Lovider is the best partner a lady will ask for. Someone who provides and also satisfies her sexual needs.
The stereotype of handsome men being a lover, not a provider
The notion that any attractive man is a “lover,” not a “provider,” has existed since the memorial. Being handsome is equal to being a “player.”
This has cost charming men a lot. Remember, one of the qualities of being a lover is to be handsome/charming.
Thus, having this quality already puts him in this category of men.
When a handsome man walks up to a lady, her first thought may be, “he just wants a fling with me.” However, the opposite might be the case.
Most attractive men face this stereotype of always being called a “player.” Being handsome already puts them at a disadvantage.
Thus, they must put in extra effort to show that they can be both lovers and providers (lovider).
Although some charming men are actually “lovers.” But those who aren’t live with the stigma.
What should you be? A Lover or provider?
The answer to this question depends on your personality and the lady.
What is your preference?
Which do you choose between short-term affairs and building a committed relationship? If you chose the former, you probably belong to the lover’s category.
Also, not every lady wants casual s3x. Some desire to build a committed relationship. When a lover meets such a lady, he might not have his way.
Finally, relationship success is much less about being a provider or a lover and more about general value.