“My relationship sucks”. This is a statement coming from a partner, probably telling a friend about his relationship loopholes. Many young couples are stuck in this situation not knowing how the heck they got there.
At the wooing stage, everything seems perfect. He/she was your ‘spec’, looking handsome/beautiful with nice dentition and poise. Just exactly what you have ever wished.
Three to six months into the dating career and all these things seem to be insignificant. You feel your partner isn’t putting their quota or nagging too much.
At this point, you start to narrate to a ‘third party which is mostly a friend(s) how your relationship sucks. It feels like your relationship has lost its sweet savor.
The thing is that every relationship has its highs and lows. It depends on both partners to find a balance during any of the moments. It is probably in one of your low moments you think your relationship sucks.
There are signs to show these things but there is also a way to avert the ‘relationship sucks’ trend.
Note that some relationships having these signs are about to hit rock bottom while some can avert this if the two partners are willing to work it out.
What Are The Signs That Your Relationship Sucks?
1. Feeling Alone In The Relationship
A relationship is expected to cure the feeling of loneliness because you have a special person with whom to share your wins and losses. But when this purpose is aborted, it feels like you are just existing in the relationship.
At a time your adorable partner was all doting and very attentive to your emotional needs. He/she calls during work hours to check up on you and when they can’t call, they send a text reaffirming their love for you.
Currently, you hardly get to spend quality time together and it seems your significant other is so far from your reach. In a bid to cover this vacuum, you spend more time with friends and before you know it, you are spilling out the condition of your relationship.
2. Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter
There was a time when each of your suggestions was a perfect idea. But now everything you say seems to make no sense to your partner. At this point, your opinion doesn’t count.
In fact, your partner prefers to consult a third party and even execute the person’s idea before informing you. Now you feel you have lost your worth in the relationship. It feels like you have very little to contribute to the relationship.
All these added together result in the breakdown of communication. That is because there is very little to discuss as your partner hides some events. After all, they might require your opinion.
3. Everyone’s Relationship Seems Better Than Yours
Comparison between your relationship and that of celebrities and your peers by your partner is a sign that your relationship sucks.
Your partner thinks that every other relationship is better than yours. Unfortunately, this might have been prompted by smoochy images seen on social media.
As earlier said, every relationship has its highs and lows. For instance, the smoochy picture seen might have been a throwback picture and the couple is no longer together.
Another contributing factor to this is that he/she listens to other people’s opinions of how your relationship should be and thinks in that same way too.
4. Every Disagreement Leads To Conflict
A disagreement is a verbal argument or debate on a differing opinion. In relationships, disagreeing is healthy but when every argument ends in conflict it becomes a problem.
In cases where you share a different point of view from that of your partner and he/she chooses to always blow things out of proportion, it becomes tiring.
Having diverse opinions produces multiple choices and ways to execute an action. But when your partner decides not to understand it this way, you might end up in verbal or emotional conflict.
A constant reoccurrence of this, makes the relationship loses its peace. You both rarely talk because you fear the outcome will be conflict. The result of this is that you both will begin to seek peace outside the relationship.
5. Ignoring The Little Things
Showing gratitude even for, the most insignificant gesture in a relationship is pertinent. Ingratitude in a relationship indicates that you don’t appreciate your partner’s efforts.
For instance, you can’t afford a movie ticket for you and your partner. You go out of your way to rearrange the sitting room to have an indoor movie night and your partner comes home saying he/she isn’t interested.
You will certainly be hurt. In fact, you will be unmotivated to make such moves again.
Similar actions from such a partner result in lame activities in the relationship because he/she isn’t grateful and also open to spontaneity. Spontaneity here means engaging in activities (planned or unplanned) to spice up your relationship.
How To Stop The ‘My Relationship Sucks’ Trend
1. Be Grateful For The Little Things
Learn to say ‘thank you’ for the little things your partner does to make you happy. This show of gratitude will impel your partner to do greater things.
Not showing gratitude makes your partner feel undervalued and less appreciated
Your significant other should always live with the assurance that the intention behind a gift matters more to you than the gift itself. That assurance feeling is priceless.
2. Communicate To Your Partner How You Want To Be Loved
Communication is the most vital organ of a relationship. It is quite unfortunate that some couples don’t know their partner’s love language. If you are under this category, please keep reading.
Active communication is what keeps a relationship alive. Discuss with your partner how you want to be loved.
Have conversations on practices that make you happy or how best you love to be apologized to or your favorite love-making position.
It’s believed that these things should be discussed at the beginning of your relationship.
On the other hand, you could also ask your spouse these questions.
If perhaps there is resistance to answering the questions, gently remind them that you aren’t a mind reader and you will only know their needs if they state them.
Also, don’t ask questions that require a specific answer like yes or no. Rather ask open-ended questions which elicit thoughtful answers. These questions also help them to easily pour out their emotions.
3. Stop The Comparison
Comparison is a natural ingredient that humans have. Unlike the myth that says that comparison will destroy your life, there are also some benefits from comparison.
As always said, too much of something ain’t good. In cases where you constantly compare your relationship weakness to the strength of someone else relationship, that is when you have crossed the borderline.
Comparing your spouse with another is what I call a bad comparison. It’s okay to admire people’s relationships but saying to your spouse’s face that you wish he/she acts like your imaginary ‘perfect spouse’ is awful. Nobody likes being called less.
A way out of this comparative scheme is to write down the things you appreciate about your relationship.
Be careful not to fall into the trap of not seeing anything to be appreciative about. Don’t allow your mind to be clouded by comparative thoughts that you begin to think that there is nothing good about your relationship.
There is something good about your relationship that you should be grateful for. A way to figure this out is by asking yourself some questions. What were the qualities that made you fall in love with your partner?
4. Sometimes Trust Your Instincts
This point is specifically for relationships that are about to hit rock bottom. In this case, some relationships shouldn’t be mended. In fact from the onset there shouldn’t be a relationship.
If you are in a relationship that your instinct keeps telling you to leave due to the red flags, please trust your instincts and leave. None of the above points can revive that relationship (actually the relationship was never meant to be revived).
In the beginning, you thought that the issues were things that would later be fixed during the relationship. However, your instincts were unsettled but you thought you could actually live with those issues and tag it ‘one of those regular relationship problems’.
In some cases, you might not be able to precisely point out what is amiss but you just feel it. The remedy to this is to trust your instinct and leave. In the long run, you will understand and appreciate that you took the decision.
5. Seek a Professional Help
This is for broken relationships. Not every problem can be fixed by you. Sometimes you need a professional third party who can help you dig deep into your emotions and get the answers you ordinarily wouldn’t have gotten without their help.
The existence of therapy is to help you think clearly during an emotional rollercoaster. The therapist isn’t there to take sides of who is right or wrong. Rather, a therapist is there to walk you through your wave of emotion and help you see reasons why that relationship isn’t fixable.
Sometimes, you need a third eye to see why it isn’t working. This is because your sense of judgment has been clouded by emotions thereby making any decision made emotionally-based rather than logically based.